How to stop overthinking and over worrying

We’ve all had the experience.  A thought just gets stuck in our brain and you can’t seem to let it go.  It may go on for a day, a week, a month or even for years.  You may call it overthinking, over worrying, ruminating, stressing, freaking out, perseverating, or a brain worm. But no matter what you call it, it can drive you a little crazy.

What causes overthinking and over worrying?

In my experience, these repetitive thoughts tend to fall into one of five categories.

• Worries: We’re trying to work out a problem or worried about something

• Resentments:  We’re angry at someone, an organization (e.g., work), or a situation

• Past conversations: We keep replaying a conversation thinking of what we could have, or should have said

• Decisions: There’s a decision you feel you need to make (e.g., take the job, propose, move)

• Embarrassing moments: An incident in which you felt humiliated keeps playing in your head

In some cases, we may continue to think, and rethink, these issues for days, months or even years.  We think, rethink, overthink, worry and then worry some more.  And for a few people, it can become a defining part of our personality.  But everyone experiences overthinking at least occasionally.

Here are a few techniques that can help you calm your mind, worry less, and stop overthinking and over worrying.

Tips for stopping overthinking and over worrying

Process your feelings

While our repetitive thought focuses on the event (e.g., the fight or upcoming decision), the repetition may be caused by a difficult or painful feeling that is trying to come out.  And because it’s an uncomfortable feeling, we keep trying to figure out the event rather than work through the feeling. 

For example, a client may tell me that they can’t stop thinking about an angry fight they had with a friend.  When I ask them how they’re feeling, they tell me they’re angry (duh?).  But, if we look a little deeper, we often find that the anger is just the surface emotion and there are many more feelings underneath the anger.  For example, they might feel sad, hurt, fearful, etc.  And if we can work through that feeling the need to keep repeating the anxiety goes away.

Write it down

This may take a few sentences, a few pages or a few notebooks; but write it all down.  The act of writing can help get it onto the paper and out of our head.  You may have to write it down once or twice a day for a few days, but pouring this out really helps calm the need for repetitive thinking and the constant state of worrying.

Practice acceptance

For some, the repetition is an unconscious attempt to gain control.  We keep going over an unpleasant event (your girlfriend dumps you) thinking about what we could have done differently.  So, even though the event is in the past and there is no way to change it, our unconscious keeps trying to give it a happy ending. 

The antidote to trying to control something is practicing acceptance.  We have to accept that we don’t have control.  While our western culture preaches the importance of controlling our own lives and taking charge of our destiny, the reality is that we have no control over many, many, many parts of our lives.  Including how others behave (e.g., their drinking and drug use), how they think (e.g., their attitude toward us or their political beliefs, and how we’re impacted by the world around us (e.g., the unemployment rate).  If we work to accept our powerlessness and lack of control, the need to keep repeating the event/concern will diminish.

Relaxation, meditation, mindfulness

Anxiety exists both in our minds and in our bodies.  Practicing relaxation techniques, meditation and mindfulness can help calm both our body and our mind.  When you find yourself having a repetitive thought, take a moment to do a breathing exercise or set the timer for a quick 5-minute meditation.  You can find free guided meditations on the Insight Timer app.  Just a few minutes a day can make a huge impact on your overall level of anxiety.

Grounding

When we’re overthinking or over-worrying, we’re entirely in our heads.  We become very disconnected from our bodies and from where we are in the world.  One of the best things we can do is to ground ourselves in the here and now. 

Here’s an example of a simple grounding exercise.  Stop what you’re doing, sit down, and put down anything you’re holding.  Close your eyes and take five slow deep breaths.  Then open your eyes and look around the room.  Then look around the room and do the following:

1.       Find 5 items in the room that are different colors.  Name the item and its color (e.g., white clock)

2.       Name the shape of 5 items in the room (e.g., square table)

3.       Wiggle your toes and feel your feet on the ground

4.       Feel your weight in the chair

5.       Touch the chair or table and feel how solid it is

This process helps bring you back to the here and now.  You may have to do it a couple of times.  But the more you practice this the more effective it becomes.

Conclusion

Remember, overthinking and over worrying happens to everyone.  But, if you find these types of thoughts are interfering in your life and getting in the way of your health and happiness, then it may be time to talk to a mental health professional or your doctor. 

I hope you find these techniques helpful.  And I hope you’ll let me know how they worked for you. 

Wishing you well,

Jacob